Change your hair, change your life

Sometimes, when you need to make big, difficult changes in your life, you just have to start with your hair color and then work your way up from there.

I wrote this in my journal about a year and a half ago and this is a sentence that I will stand by until I die (or dye... get it, because hair dye..). I did this very thing back in December of 2014. I was unhappy in my life and I knew I needed to quit my job and move and change pretty much everything and I was intimidated by it, so I was procrastinating making the changes. So I dyed my hair for the first time in my life. It's something so simple and silly, but I did it and that seemed to be the catalyst for change. Within a month, I had quit my job and moved out of Provo and made the changes that I knew that I needed to and that I knew would make me happier.

Now I'm not saying that you have to dye your hair when you feel like something needs to change in your life, but what I am saying is that if you are not happy, you have the power to change that. Change one small thing and see how you feel. It's empowering and it will help you work up towards big changes that you may need to make.

Evolution of my curls.

I have fallen in love with my hair.

This is not a thing I ever thought I would be able to say, but it is one of the truest things I know. I'm going to explain to you my journey over the last 12 or so years of my life that brought me to this acceptance of my hair.

I was not born with curly hair. My hair was actually very, very straight for the first 10 years of my life. And then puberty, as it is prone to do, effected some huge changes. Suddenly, my hair was wavy and just seemed to be getting curlier. Being a bit of a tomboy already, my solution for dealing with curly hair at 11 or 12 years old was to pull it into a pony tail and forget about it.

We're digging deep in the archives for this baby. Here is 8th
grade Jennie with her awesome crunchy curls and braces. 
It was a hard time for all of us. 

Through middle school and high school, my hair just kept getting more and more curly by the year and I had no idea how to handle it. When I say my hair was getting "curlier," what I mean is it was just getting frizzier and more terrifying. I didn't know anyone that had curly hair, so I had no one to instruct me in how to care for it, so it was a hot mess. When I let it go free, it was a giant frizz ball. When I tried to put product in it, my hair became nasty crunchy waves plastered to my head. There was no in between and I didn't know what to do.

Please excuse me at the awkward age of 15. Thanks. Also excuse the crunch curls
on my head. No pictures of the frizzy version of my hair, because I was self
conscious back then and never let pictures be taken of it.

The only solution I had for my struggling curls was to straighten my hair. And that's what I did everyday of my life. I scorched those natural curls as straight as they would go nearly everyday. Probably once every 3 to 4 weeks I would get brave (or lazy) and try out the curls again - but to no positive effect. So I lived my high school years with straight hair, denying the very essence of my hair personality.

My freshman year of college I finally realized that the crunchy curls were happening because the mousse was too heavy and I needed something lighter, and that enhanced my curls a ton. They still weren't the best, but much better and I started going curly more often. That year I was about half and half in curly versus straight hair.

Frizzy and awkward. But not crunchy!

Decent. But frizzy and not living up to its full potential.

And then that blessed summer happened.

I was teaching swim lessons that summer, so my hair was getting wet everyday and I did not have the time or patience to straighten it every single day. So I declared it the summer of freedom, and I let the curls run wild and do their thing. Coincidentally, this was also declared the summer of headbands and I swear I wore a headband to keep those wild curls out of my face every day that entire summer.

I came out of that summer with so much love for my curls and how fun they are. I read a bunch of blogs giving me some really helpful tips and tricks for caring for my curls. Did you know towel drying makes curls more frizzy and it's better to just use a t-shirt? I swear by this now. Did you know it's better to diffuse your curls with your head upside down? And only diffuse 50-75% of the hair and then let the rest air dry? I can attest to the truthfulness of these things. So much trial and error that has been so helpful in my life!

Curly hair was WAY easier and faster than straight hair and after that summer, I vowed to wear my hair curly more often. As it turned out, I just stopped straightening my hair all together. I have MAYBE straightened my hair once a month for the last 4 years; it's probably closer to once every two months. I feel like the longer I go letting my hair just do its thing, the curlier my hair has become, and I love it.

These curls just define me and I feel like they very accurately represent my personality. and CURLY HAIR IS SO EASY.

I love my curls. Seriously so much. I feel like over the last few years I've grown into them and realized their full potential. I think it's so important for people to embrace their natural beauty. If you have curly hair, then free the curls. If you have straight hair, then you rock that baby, because I've wanted that for more years of my life than I care to admit. JUST BE YOU. Seriously, that's all you can ask for and that is THE best way to be happy in your life.

Good job...s

I've received an array of complaints about the fact that I've never actually said what I'm doing for my job. In THIS post I said that I got a job and then intentionally ended the post without giving details because I thought it was hilarious. But let me just lay it our for you because I actually have 2 jobs, surprise!

I work in the Library on campus. I keep track of budgets and statistics and other various assignments/projects that are deemed necessary for my department. It's a great job and I've learned so much in the 6.5 months I've been there.

And additionally, two months after beginning at the library, I began working at a residential treatment center for teenage girls with emotional and behavioral struggles. This is the best job I could possibly have gotten at this point in my life. I don't even know what to say about how much I love this job and this program and the girls that I work with. I have been inspired to know for sure that eventually becoming a social worker is what I want to be doing with my life.
Basically my job is to help keep the girls in my house safe, make them feel loved, and implement the interventions from their therapists. There's about 15 girls in the house I work in and I have the amazing opportunity to build relationships with each of them and help them process through problems that come up in that moment. There are many different reasons these girls are in residential treatment including: anxiety, depression, self-harm, eating disorders, drug abuse, social anxiety, suicidal thoughts, personality disorders, and a lot more. It's been wonderful and eye opening to learn that each person has slightly different issues and needs to be treated differently. I've also had the realization that everyone has problems that they need to work through, whether or not they're in treatment, and these girls are often so much stronger than I am in dealing with their demons. I seriously didn't know I could grow to love people as much as I love my coworkers and the girls I work with. I am so excited to have this affirmation that this really is what I want to do with my life. Maybe I won't always be working in this treatment center, but being a social worker and helping people who just need some extra support in their lives.

For those interested, here's a link to the New Haven blog: http://www.newhavenrtc.com/blog/talking-through-a-crisis/

I know I had far more to say about my treatment job, but let's be serious, that's way more exciting than sitting at a computer in a library for 6 hours a day. But in all reality I love both of my jobs. They have each been a blessing to me in different ways and I have need each of them at this point in my life.

And then suddenly 2013 was gone.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
Why yes, I did just quote Ferris Bueller.

Despite the palm licking, borrowing Ferrari's, jumping atop a float and convincing people to let him lip-sync Twist and Shout, and making the whole community think he is dying, Ferris Bueller is actually a pretty smart guy and has a handle on this whole "life" thing. These last 2 months, I have been so caught up in the minute details of my busy schedule and the little things I have to get done each day, and I have forgotten to stop and look around. I've missed the importance of LIFE and the small details that make it exciting and joyous. Let's take a moment to look at another important, and probably more reliable, quote:

"Isn’t it true that we often get so busy? And, sad to say, we even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or sign of a superior life."
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf - find the brilliant talk HERE.

I do this, folks. I unintentionally let my busyness define me and I let it become the focus of my life and my conversation. I rattle off lists of everything I have to do and I sometimes even try to one-up others when they say they are busy. This is not okay! Who is to say that my busy life is any more or less busy than yours? And what makes my busyness something to boast about? Instead of letting it weigh down on me and be the focus of my life, I need to look at the bigger picture and understand WHY I am doing everything I am doing. Being busy is fine, as long as that busyness is for the purpose of helping others or bettering myself or other various positive goals - not just to be busy and impress others or make them feel bad for me.

Okay, Hi. I'm being incredibly reflective and that's boring, you don't need to hear the intricate quirks of my thoughts. But in sum: 2013 was a beautiful year. I learned an unfathomable amount about myself and about the world and about the truth of the Gospel. Some points have been struggles and I've felt kind of lost, but this year I realized that I am 100% capable of just moving on. I've grasped my own independence and gained confidence in moving forward in life.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. Calm down. Breathe. Appreciate the beauty around you, even if it's just the wall of your bedroom - there is beauty in that too. Don't miss life.

"Growing up is losing some illusions, in order to acquire others"

Quote by Virginia Woolf. Smart woman.

Have you ever felt like the whole world is moving along with their lives and they've just left you behind? That's kind of how I've been feeling recently. I've basically graduated, but I still don't really have a set plan for my future. Everyone around me has exciting things going on and great life changes happening now or right around the corner, and I'm just here like, " yeah, Provo's cool." But you know what I've realized? That it's all about perspective.

You know what else I've just realized, I only ever blog about my problems after I have gotten over them and have something profound that I learned and need to share. I suppose that's for the best, since I know I don't want to read about anyone's issues, and I'm sure you don't either.

Anyway, back to perspective. So I've always thought that I was this super friendly, outgoing human. I suppose I really am, but the last month or so has made me realize how much I am lacking. I just moved into a new house for the first time in 3 years and realized that I was surrounded by a whole group of people that I didn't know at all. I love meeting new people, but I've always done so with at least one other friend with me. It's nice to have someone be there to back you up when trying to strike up a conversation with strangers. But this new situation I am in has required me to just show up places and introduce myself and invite myself into groups of people. Guys, that can be really hard sometimes. I desperately want to spend time with fun people and make some good friends, and in order to do that I have to put myself out there and meet these people. So I think the biggest thing I have learned is to be comfortable with myself, by myself, even with no one to fall back on. And confident enough to go out and be ridiculous and make new friends. It's been rough, but it's also been wonderful! I've met some wonderful people!

Guess what I did the other week? I went river rafting in Moab with a group of about 50 people and I only kind of knew 4 of them. It was so fun! I met so many great people! It's things like this adventure that I have been so blessed with this summer. Up until about a month ago I wouldn't have gone on this trip unless I could convince one of my really good friends to go with me. But having decided to go out of my way to meet people, I just took this Moab opportunity and ran.

Moral of the story: life is constantly changing and just when I get comfortable with something, it stops or changes and I have to adjust to it. One of the best things I've learned recently is o be open to the new things. If I am willing to accept feeling awkward and entering new situations, then I am totally rewarded with some amazing experiences and great friends.

Growth.

Alright, here's the deal: I've learned SO MUCH in the last 6-9 months or so. Honestly, I don't think I've ever had such a defining half year in my entire life.
There have been so many events, both big and small, that have changed me and changed my life. Here's just a few of the things I have learned in 2012:

• No matter how far away they are or how long we go without speaking, my best friends will still always be there for me
• Missions are awesome
• It is so hard to have those I'm closest with leave on missions, but I wouldn't have them anywhere else in the world right now
• I am loved.
• I am not perfect, and that's okay
• It's more important to be humble than hilarious (though there is nothing wrong with also being hilarious)
• I love hearing mission stories
• How to ask for help and advice
• Love is not something that I can control. But if I allow it, I have the capacity to love everyone.
• The importance of studying
• How to be more open with others
• Being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness
• I have to rely on the Lord for my confidence; I can't rely on myself.
• Fear is not something that belongs in my life.
• Hiding my thoughts and feelings does not benefit anyone.
• I am surrounded by the best, most inspirational examples and it is the biggest blessing I could have right now.

Phoneless.

Let me tell you a funny little story:

Once upon a time I went to California and it was awesome.

My phone decided that it just loved California so much that it was going to stay for an extended vacation. Much more extended than my own trip.
Yes, you heard right. I have been without my phone for about 11 days now.
How did my phone get left behind in California, a solid 12 hour drive away?  Well, I certainly did not forget it... it just happend to get stuck in an unlocked house. I know, this just keeps getting more and more ridiculous. I realized that I had left my phone in the house we were staying at and luckily we had left the front door unlocked, so I went to go open it and much to my horror, the door wouldn't budge. Something was wrong with the handle and it just plain wouldn't open. We worked on it for a solid 15 minutes, with no success. So I had turn my back on my poor phone, leaving it in an unlocked house. The poor dear.

I didn't realize how much my everyday life revolves around the quick messages that phone provides to me. I am constantly talking about my plans later that day with my roommates or deciding where to meet someone or answering quick, simple questions via text. Not to mention the fact that I call my mom everyday. And my phone keeps me in contact with my lovely friends that I don't get to see very often. I bash on our culture's extreme dependence on cell phones sometimes, but let's get real, they really do help and can be a good thing. However, it's been a bit of a blessing in my life not have a phone. Though I haven't thought so the entire time.
This is my process of emotions since the loss of my phone: Frustration, Relief, Freedom, Annoyance, Irritation, Acceptance. Yes, I think that portrays exactly how the last week has gone for me.

Here are some things I've learned while I have been without a phone:

• Who the most important people in my life are. Even when I don't have a phone, I still find a way to talk to the most important people.
• My roommates are amazing. They put up with my borrowing their phones all the time.
• Patience. In a world full of fast-paced, at your finger-tips information and answers, I have had to learn to be patient. When I need to ask some one something, I have to wait until the next time I see them or when they answer my email, it is not an immediate response, and it is ok.
• To listen and observe. I always call my mom when I'm walking across campus, and if I'm not talking to her, I'm probably texting someone. Not being able to do that has allowed me to enjoy the beauty that is Provo and has given me more chance to look around and better observe the fascinating people that I am surrounded by everyday.
• Facebook gets really old really fast. I've been relying a lot on fb messages to talk to people, but now I am so sick of fb. It's not even funny.
• Simplification. Technology overwhelms my life. I sit at a computer all day at work, I am always using my laptop to take notes or do assignments or catch up on tv shows or really do most anything, I listen to my iPod, I always have my phone with me. It gets to be too much sometimes. So it's been incredibly nice to take a break from at least one aspect of technology and kind of simplify my life.
• To take a deep breath. This could have been an incredibly upsetting situation to not have my phone, and at times it was, but overall I learned to just take a step back, breath, and reassess the situation and realize that it's fine. True, I don't have communication right at my finger tips at all time, but it's ok and I can make it work.

Overall, I'm thrilled that this happened. It's not very often that one can take such an extended break from their phone, and it has truly been a blessing. I know it sounds like something really small and dumb, but I really did learn so much from not having a phone! But I must admit, it will be SO nice to get it back and be able to communicate with the rest of the world again.


Side note - 
Talking about phones just reminded me of a sweet little tune you may be familiar with (this does not actually apply to my life at this very moment in time): 
Call me, beep me, if you want to reach me. 
When you want to page me, it's ok. 
Whenever you need me, baby 
Call me, beep me, if you want to reach me.

Real Learning.

"Students do not learn much just sitting in classes listening to teachers, memorizing prepackaged assignments, and spitting out answers.  Learning is not a spectator sport.  Students must talk about what they are learning, write about it, relate it to past experiences, and apply it to their daily lives.  They must make what they learn part of themselves."  (Chickering and Gamson, Seven Principles for Good Practice in Undergraduate Education)

The truth of this quote is irrevocable.

Learning is an action word.

And honestly, it's hard to learn correctly. Sitting passively and memorizing facts only to forget them as soon as the test is over is easy. Real learning, the kind where the student must take it upon themselves to learn and apply said learning and retain it forever. This type of learning is hard. It takes a lot of time. It takes patience and work and interest and focus.
Sadly, I can't say I've always tried to really learn in some of my classes. There are times when I want to take the easy way out and just memorize facts and pass tests. I have been in some very difficult classes where the teacher recognized what real learning is and made assignments that catered to it... and I have complained because they were too hard. But in the end, those are the classes that I appreciate and remember the most. And learned the most from.
When I am forced to discuss my learning and look at it in the context of my life and other situations in the world, then I can see it as something real. Something important. Something worth knowing.
The purpose of going to school and getting an education is to be knowledgable and know things for the rest of my life. Disappointingly, a lot of people view school and learning as just something that they need to get through and finish as soon as possible so as to graduate and move on to their career or the next part of their life. They don't take the time to sit back and appreciate the opportunity that they have to be learning. Not many people in this world have that same opportunity. Learning is a blessing, not a pointless task. Learning is an action and it is something that should certainly not just stop at graduation. Learning is a lifelong and applicable to all situations.

I love learning. I love gaining the ability to speak intelligibly on many topics. I love expanding my horizons and developing new ways of viewing the world and other peoples. I love taking the opportunity to incorporate my learning into who I am.

I need to remember this. Learning is not a spectator sport.

Sociologist.

I am a sociologist. Not sure when, but this just recently happened. True, sociology has been my major for over a year now and I should have felt like a sociologist long ago, but alas, that didn't happened. I would sit in my sociology classes and think to myself: "Wow, this is super interesting. But oh my, these people are a bunch of crazies. They are full of theories about people and opinions about how the world works, and I just am not."
But the time has come, my friends. I am a sociologist now.
I realized while in my Human Development class (not a sociology class) when I began thinking about development in terms of how the children are being socialized and how their SES (socioeconomic status) is effecting their socialization. I even started thinking about dating relationships in terms of social exchange theory, which is an outrage.
Nerd. That is what I said to myself.
And you know what, I am okay with that. I like being a sociologist. It gives me a unique perspective of people and life in general.
I'm a fan.

Changes.

Well gorsh. <--- in my head that sounded like Goofy... but typed out it looks ridiculous. Just go with it.
This past week has been one of the most busy and emotionally-roller-coastery weeks of my life. One of my bestest friends got married. Another gave her talk before she leaves on her mission. And I said goodbye for a year and a half to another beautiful friend who's also going on a mission. I have been roommates with all three of these girls and I could not ask for better friends.
To Mandy, Kendra, and Krystal: I LOVE you girls with all my heart. That ain't never gonna change.

This weekend was the first time that I realized that I really am growing up. I thought I was growing up and everything was going to change when I graduated from high school and then again when I first went to college and then again when all of the guys left on missions... but that seems like nothing compared to my current situation. Those changes over the last few years have shaped who I am and it has been quite the journey. But for some reason, these wonderful girls leaving on their missions is a way bigger deal to me than any of the guys leaving. And obviously marriage is a huge life changing experience as well.
I think that what I've come to realize this weekend is that life is never truly going to be the same again. Everything is changing around me, and I need to learn to roll with it. Sure, in the future we're all going to get together for lunch and laugh our heads off just as much as we do now... but it's not going to be the same. We all have our own lives we're leading; we're adults and each of us is doing something slightly different with our lives.

Normally I am a big fan of change, but these recent changes are a lot to take in. I know I'm still in the same place I have been for a couple years and it's not me making the big life changes right now, but I am still overwhelmed by the effect these changes are having on my life.
If I can say I've learned one thing through this crazy weekend, it would be this: The place I'm in in my life right now is super unique. It can change very quickly, so I need to take advantage of it while it's still here. I love where I am, but change is good. Kind of terrifying and makes me want to cry at times, but still very good.
I'm growing up. I am learning to accept that change can not be stopped. I already miss the way things were, but I also know that the future is going to be rockin.

Life really never turns out exactly the way you expect, but it always turns out the way it's supposed to.

Here is a song that is wonderful. And reminds me of my current situation.

Camp.

The young women of my ward are leaving for girls camp today.
I am filled with sadness that I am not accompanying them.
Girls camp is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me.
I thrive in situations that include me making a complete fool of myself for long periods of time.
So obviously girls camp is the place for me.
Ridiculous camp songs. Crazy skits. Crafts. Beautiful hikes. Outrageous games of Ride That Pony and Big Booty. Fire-roasted food. Snipe hunting. Forcing girls to be excited to be there. Endless amounts of energy.
These are a few of my favorite things. (yes, that was a Sound of Music reference)
But really, I just love girls camp and have ever since my first experience when I was 12.
I have been too old to go for the last couple of years. And that is a tragedy.
If I could go to girls camp every year for the rest of my life, I would die a happy human being.

This is one of my favorite pictures from from any girls camp:

We really get into singing and dancing camp songs.

My life is a musical.

Once upon a time I watched High School Musical(this was not one of my finer moments), and as terribly cheesy and ridiculous that piece of cinematic entertainment was, it made me come to a conclusion. I would just straight up LOVE to have my life be a musical. If people burst into song and dance everywhere I went and whenever something important happened, I would absolutely adore this. I would also probably feel more comfortable, because I'm pretty sure that I tend to do this in normal situations. Sometimes I just can't help but sing. And if the song is good, then it absolutely must be accompanied by dancing. So, since I already bust out in musical exhibitions at mildly inappropriate times, then I figure everyone else around me might as well join in.
Seriously though, wouldn't it be so cool if you were just walking around the grocery store and people started singing ballads about what they were buying and beboppin' around with their shopping carts? Or if you went to a soccer game and the people in the stands started singing about how much they love the sport? Or if I was walking around campus and backpack-clad students just started spontaneous dancing in Brigham Square.... ok, let's get real, I go to BYU, so that already happens on a weekly basis, maybe even daily. :) Anyway, yes, this would be so incredibly cheesy and logistically impossible for there to be choreographed songs and dances everywhere I went, but it is still worth the dream. If my life was a musical, even the terribly sad or disheartening things that happen couldn't be that bad. And so, despite the ridiculousness of the idea, I will continue to sing and dance in pretty much every situation I am placed in. It just can't be stopped, trust me, I've tried.

Side note: If my life WERE a musical, this is what my roommates and I would look like:

I'm a child at heart.

There are some things in this world that are fun no matter how old you get. Maybe I'm just immature, but there are many things that were tons of fun when I was a young lass, that I still enjoy excessively.

Puddle jumping and kite flying are two such things.

Also, walking around in the mud with bare feet. It's just so squishy.

Also, sticking my head out the window and yelling "SLURPEEEEEE!" on my way to 7-11.

Also, watching Pocahontas over and over again every day and never, NEVER getting sick of it.

But mostly puddle jumping and kite flying. I've done both within the last week or so, and they never get old. And they still hold their old exhilaration.
I will always be a child. At least on the inside