Tuesday, September 18, 2018


I had a discussion once upon a time about gender and racial representation in our culture. The discussion centered specifically around the amount of Asian-American representation at the Olympics this year, but I think it applies to pretty much everything else as well. I was talking about how important it was for children to see themselves represented in the media that they view. The guy disagreeing with me (a white male) stated that this made absolutely no sense because he couldn't name a single white Olympian besides Shawn White and his heroes growing up were Black and Latino baseball players. We never came to any type of agreement, as those types of discussions typically go, but it had me thinking for months afterward. Then in one of my classes today, we had a discussion about representation and it brought all of these thoughts screaming back into my head (this is my white privileged that I don't have to be faced with the issue of representation on a daily basis).

I feel SO empowered when I see strong, successful women in movies, TV, and real life. It inspires me and encourages me to continue to work toward my goals, because if they can do, then maybe I can too. This does not take away from any amount of inspiration that I may receive from seeing a male succeed as well. I have been plenty inspired in my life by the words and deeds of white males. But it feels different when I see the woman out there doing her thing and succeeding. I can see myself in her and I know how freaking hard she had to work to get where she is. It's just a whole new level of empowerment for me.

In my mind, the issue of representation is focused on children. As a strong, independent adult, I recognize what I'm capable of and how much potential is within me. I think children are much more impressionable. We can tell them how amazing they are all day and they might even believe us, but children are observers. And when a child observes someone that looks like them out there saving the world, or making new discoveries, or being president, then they can so much more easily picture themselves doing the same thing. Sure, a little girl can imagine being president of the United States, but imagine how much MORE she would believe that was possible if she SAW a woman actually being president of the United States.

Now I recognize that I do not have the experience of being a racial minority, and as such, I am in no place to be lecturing about racial representation. But I do believe that this same theory of representation applies. Consistently seeing heroes and winners and successful people of one's own race is inspiring, even if it is subconscious. Every child deserves to see someone who looks like them in a successful role. Seeing such makes it so much easier to picture themselves being successful like that as well. Every child deserves that feeling of empowerment that comes from seeing someone of their own race out there doing their thing and being successful at it!

Sure, there is the exception of the little white boy who's major heroes are Black and Latino baseball players. But I think it's different for that little boy, because he has OPTIONS. He has tons of examples of successful white men in his life, and he has the privileged of being influenced by both those examples AND the examples of these baseball players of other races. This is awesome, and I wish every child had that opportunity! But many children see tons and tons of successful white men, and maybe one or two successful people that look like them. This isn't fair. These children deserve to see people that look like them and be able to inspired and empowered to be themselves! We need to encourage equal representation in the media, and in sports, and in the heads of multi-million dollar corporations, and everywhere!

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

On Marriage.

Over the last 6 months, the question I've gotten the most is, "how's married life?" and I don't know how to answer that.

I honestly feel like it's pretty much the same as before except now we live together and have sex. So I guess that's my answer: "sex is great, thanks for asking."

Anyway, these first 6 months of marriage have been fun. I barely see Alex during the week because we both work during the day and then have class at night. But weekends are extra chill and nice. 

We do a lot of netflix watching (currently in season 6 of Supernatural and recently finished Alex's first time watching Parks and Rec). We also visit my parents a lot because they live 2 miles away and have cable, so that's where we watch all of the sports (Go Jazz).

Marriage has really just been a series of saying good morning, debating what to make for dinner, ending up eating out, watch shows, bashing on the neighbors, and saying I love you. It's seriously the best.

Here's some pics of us, sorry we're gross and in love and crap.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Life, man

I have not blogged in nearly a year. Coincidentally, my last post was about being disenchanted with dating and it was on November 2... that was the week I started dating my now fiance, who I am marrying in 9 days, on November 2nd! Life is weird, man.

But yes, let me repeat, I GET MARRIED IN NINE DAYS!
I'm marrying a boy who is perfect. Actually, he's very much not perfect, but he is definitely perfect for me. He is shy and hilarious and so so kind. He is nerdy and comfortable and supportive. He is caring and hard working and completely ridiculous. I've never been so happy, rolled my eyes so much, cared so much about basketball, or loved someone this hard. He's nothing like what I expected to fall for and I wouldn't ask for anything different.
He loves Star Wars and Lord of the Rings maybe more than I do. He proposed to me with a Harry Potter board game, even though he's not a huge HP fan (don't worry, this will change). He knows my heart and he knows how to make me laugh. He's just one of those feel good people. You just get around him and feel comfortable.

I could go on forever about how great he is, but I will refrain. You're welcome.

What I will say is that timing is the weirdest thing. My life has been in limbo so many times in the last 5 years, so when it kind of went off the tracks and into limbo again last fall, I thought nothing of it. All of my friends in Salt Lake had gotten married and I had no one left to live with, so I moved in with my 95 year old great grandmother for an undetermined amount of time. This was strange, but also normal, because strange and uncertain living situations had been my normal for years. And that is when I met Alex.
Life is strange and unpredictable and when I met him, I thought nothing of it. I had met a lot of cute boys in a lot of wards and nothing ever came of them. When we started dating, I thought nothing of it. This had all happened before and it always ended, that's literally all I knew. I honestly think that subconsciously endings is all I expected from dating. So when we hit 6 months of dating and I realized this was the longest relationship I had ever had, I was SHOCKED. People don't date me for this long; they figure out I'm crazy and try to avoid me or I get bored and dump them, but never ever do we keep dating for 6 months.
And then we kept dating.
And then he said he wanted to marry me. And again I was SHOCKED. I always wanted to get married and find someone to spend forever with, but the fact that this real, living, breathing, awesome human boy was saying he wanted to spend forever with me... I just didn't know how to handle it.
For about 3 months he would say the same things: he wanted to marry me, but he didn't want to rush me or push me into something I wasn't ready for. He said he he was willing to wait for me as long as it took. WHAT. Who even is this amazing, patient boy. This boy who never pushed me, this boy who never made me do anything I didn't want or wasn't ready for, this boy who supports me in my career and in my dreams. I still don't know why it took me 3 months to decide that obviously this is the right boy for me.
But here we are. I'm grossly cheesy all the time and I hate it. I'm in love and I roll my eyes at us sometimes. We're getting married next week, and I could not be more excited. Here's a picture of our faces:

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Fun, Delinquent Youths!

I work with juvenile delinquents. I work in a lock-up facility with teenage boys who have been arrested for crimes and sentenced to be locked up for a minimum of 6 months, usually more. Some of these boys have committed violent crimes. Some of them have stolen property worth thousands of dollars. Some of them have countless drug charges. Some of them have gang-related crimes. These boys are hardened. They are often very involved in gangs. They have been arrested many times. They've been through every other program the state has to offer and they have failed out or ran away. My facility is their last stop, the most intense facility, there is nowhere else for them to go - unless they get charged as an adult. We take the worst of the worst of the juveniles in Utah. This is what these kids look like on paper: delinquent, unwilling to change, non-compliant, scary, bad.

And yet, I have worked with some of the brightest, funniest, most personable, brilliant adolescents in this job. These kids, while still little punks, are incredible. There is so much light in their eyes and possibility in their future.

One resident that I have worked with is hands-down the smartest teenager I have ever met. I will not be surprised at all if one day he ends up inventing something brilliant and life-changing.

One kid I know has the most incredible leadership skills and can convince and motivate anyone to do anything.

Most of those guys want to be rappers, but there is this one kid that has an incredible musical talent and I can definitely see him getting famous from it.

Another resident has the most incredible comedic timing I have ever seen. Never have I ever laughed so hard in my life.

I could go on and on. These kids are awesome! They make me mad and they often make terrible choices, but they are also have such good hearts and want to succeed in their lives. I have seen more positive change and progress in this individuals than I have ever seen in any other human beings in my life. They learn and grow at an incredible rate. It is the most magical thing to see the lights go on in these kid's minds and see them realize that they can do something different in their lives than what they've done in the past.

I guess all I'm saying is that people can change! "Bad people" are not always bad people! There is good in everyone, they just have to find it! Don't disregard people because of their past mistakes!

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