Thursday, June 13, 2013

Here at the end of all things

So once upon a time yesterday, I realized that in one week I will be 100% done with classes for my undergraduate degree. This made me so sad. I complain about school and homework and papers and finals all the time, but you know what? I love it all. I have been so blessed to be able to go to college and further my education and expand my horizons. I love learning and seeing new perspectives on all sorts of situations and contexts. I'm not necessarily a pro at being a student, but I'm very comfortable with it. Here at the end of all things, I realize how much I took for granted in my education. There are so many things that I was taught, but I never learned. There were so many people that could teach me so much, but I didn't appreciate their stories or their knowledge. Now that I'm more mature (don't laugh at that), I wish I could go back and do school all over again and learn all the things!
But here it is... I only have two days of class left, and I really just don't know how to feel about that. You know that feeling when you were in the middle of a sentence but then get cut off and distracted and you feel like something is unfinished, and you feel that way until you finally finish your thought? That's kind of how I feel about my education. I feel like I'm stopping before it's really done. I have so much left to learn and so many people still to meet and learn from.
Now I realize that finishing school is not the end of my learning, but do you realize how much harder it is to learn when I don't have deadlines and scheduled times for people to stand up in front of me and share their knowledge? This kind of life long learning requires motivation and dedication and out-of-my-way effort. Completely worth it, but still exhausting.
So there it is. This time next week I will have taken my last final. I will have gone to my last review and sat in my last two hour lecture. I don't mean to be nostalgic, but if you haven't figured out already, I'm the most nostalgic person I know. I remember my first day of class freshman year.. Strangely enough it was Intro to Sociology, which is funny because that was 2 years before I EVER decided to declare sociology as my major. Funny how things work out like that. Sociology has shaped my personal theology and the way in which I approach the world. I think about that first day of college and I see how much I've grown and changed, and I realize that while I may not have taken advantage of every opportunity here at school, I most definitely have learned more than I ever thought was possible. How is it that the more I learn, the more I realize I still have left to learn?

Monday, June 10, 2013

A quick observation

Being the social scientist I am, I have absolutely loved looking at the ways my roommates' relationships fit into stereotypical categories and the ways they are completely different from the usual. I've also learned to appreciate even more the differences between my roommates. We are all best friends and get along amazingly well, but at the same time, we are each so different. We've always recognized this and commented on it, however it has been magnified since bringing their boys into the picture. They all handle situations differently, and no particular way is better than the others, they are just different. It is absolutely fascinating to me. Yes, I am kind of crazy and I sit and analyze the dynamics between the people in my life. Okay, I won't go into anymore detail about the observations I've made regarding roommates, relationships, and love. But suffice it to say that I really appreciate the way that my major in college taught me to think about the world.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

"Growing up is losing some illusions, in order to acquire others"

Quote by Virginia Woolf. Smart woman.

Have you ever felt like the whole world is moving along with their lives and they've just left you behind? That's kind of how I've been feeling recently. I've basically graduated, but I still don't really have a set plan for my future. Everyone around me has exciting things going on and great life changes happening now or right around the corner, and I'm just here like, " yeah, Provo's cool." But you know what I've realized? That it's all about perspective.

You know what else I've just realized, I only ever blog about my problems after I have gotten over them and have something profound that I learned and need to share. I suppose that's for the best, since I know I don't want to read about anyone's issues, and I'm sure you don't either.

Anyway, back to perspective. So I've always thought that I was this super friendly, outgoing human. I suppose I really am, but the last month or so has made me realize how much I am lacking. I just moved into a new house for the first time in 3 years and realized that I was surrounded by a whole group of people that I didn't know at all. I love meeting new people, but I've always done so with at least one other friend with me. It's nice to have someone be there to back you up when trying to strike up a conversation with strangers. But this new situation I am in has required me to just show up places and introduce myself and invite myself into groups of people. Guys, that can be really hard sometimes. I desperately want to spend time with fun people and make some good friends, and in order to do that I have to put myself out there and meet these people. So I think the biggest thing I have learned is to be comfortable with myself, by myself, even with no one to fall back on. And confident enough to go out and be ridiculous and make new friends. It's been rough, but it's also been wonderful! I've met some wonderful people!

Guess what I did the other week? I went river rafting in Moab with a group of about 50 people and I only kind of knew 4 of them. It was so fun! I met so many great people! It's things like this adventure that I have been so blessed with this summer. Up until about a month ago I wouldn't have gone on this trip unless I could convince one of my really good friends to go with me. But having decided to go out of my way to meet people, I just took this Moab opportunity and ran.

Moral of the story: life is constantly changing and just when I get comfortable with something, it stops or changes and I have to adjust to it. One of the best things I've learned recently is o be open to the new things. If I am willing to accept feeling awkward and entering new situations, then I am totally rewarded with some amazing experiences and great friends.

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